


The Third Annual DISU Haiku-Off

by stand_by_me



Series: Soriku Week 2018 [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: ....crack. this is crack, College AU, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, SoRiku Week 2018, a mix of prose and bad poetry, expect some ooc lads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 06:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16927959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stand_by_me/pseuds/stand_by_me
Summary: Every Christmas season, a normal, run-of-the-mill poetry club at Destiny Islands State University hosts a haiku contest to support local food shelves. After years of training, Sora has FINALLY made it to the finals, and he intends to absolutely destroy the sitting champion. Too bad said champion plays dirty.





	The Third Annual DISU Haiku-Off

**Author's Note:**

> day 3 prompts: **rivalry** | in battle
> 
>  **bold** is Sora  
>  _italic_ is Riku

“Alright boys, are we ready to start?” Kairi asked, eyeing their audience in front of the curtain. “Sora?”

“Yep,” Sora said, feeling nowhere near as confident as he sounded. It had taken years (exactly two, but to him, that was worth boasting) of training to _finally_ be skilled enough to reach the finals. Destiny Islands State University competitions were notoriously hardcore, after all. And now, as a junior, he’d be facing off against the semi-legendary Haiku Master, the current champion known as much for his cold, dismissive nature as his mastery of syllable counts.

Or so he heard. Truthfully, that was just what Sora, a lowly education major with arguably weird hobbies, heard from his writing-department friends. Kairi had prefaced most of her stories with _I promise he’s nicer once you get to know him_ , but Roxas did not hold back. At all. This Haiku Master was apparently a real piece of work, but so far Sora thought the guy just seemed more hesitant, perhaps, than cold. Not that it mattered. Sora would tear him to shreds.

“And Riku?” Kairi continued, oblivious to Sora’s internal monologue.

 _So that’s his name._ Riku shrugged and pushed the curtain aside, taking his seat without even looking at Sora. _How in-character._

“Right, I guess that does it,” Kairi said, shaking her head in frustration. “Good luck out there.”

The audience was larger than one might expect for a midsize university’s strangely competitive haiku club, but the correct reason (being, of course, that the whole event was for charity) didn’t even reach afterthought status in Sora’s mind. He took his seat across from Riku, flexing his fingers over the club-provided laptop. At this stage of the game, intimidating the competition was key.

Riku simply raised an eyebrow, the bastard. _What, are my fingers not flexed enough for ya?_

“Thanks for coming, everybody!” Kairi said, taking her place in front of the competition table. “Let me just go over the rules really quick – not that I don’t you guys, honest,” she continued, working the crowd.

Based on Roxas’s evaluations and the past five minutes, Sora expected Riku to scoff at the mere _notion_ he might break the rules (or the notion that anyone could stop him), but he remained impassive. Only a methodological crack of his knuckles revealed Riku’s acknowledgement of the situation.

“Grammatical correctness is not necessary, _however_ , there should be a clear message in each haiku! Our panel of judges over there,” Kairi said, pointing at a few older students in the back, “will declare the loser the first time a submitted haiku is off-form, not finished in time, or not safe for work! Remember, this is raising funds for local food shelves, and I don’t want any of my little cousins to see me swear on camera.”

 _It’s a test of endurance,_ Sora thought to himself as Riku continued to stare him down. _Don’t let his posturing get to you. All I have to do…is outlast him._ Truthfully, Kairi had the hardest job, bless her heart. She had to read off whatever the two competitors typed as it was projected on the wall behind them (a change made last year, when the runner-up had a speech impediment. But the new format proved to be far more entertaining and the change was kept).

“Last thing: the haiku club has a hundred-munny Heartdunks gift card to give to the winner!”

Sora clenched his fists. _Screw the competition, I need that gift card._ Christmas was coming up. _Finals_ were coming up. Who knew how long it would be before Kairi scammed that much caffeine money off a bad Tinder date again!?

As Kairi started counting down, Sora squeezed his eyes shut, willing his corneas not to dry out for however long it took to win. He couldn’t afford to blink, he couldn’t afford to _think_ (well, actually, thinking was kind of necessary so he let it slide, but it was on thin fucking ice) _._ This was the haiku zone, an in order to beat the master, claim victory, and drink some God Damn Coffee, Sora had to reduce his poetic margin of error to _exactly_ zero.

“Our reigning champion, Riku, will write first. Go!”

-

_I’d like to open_

_By saying how great it is_

_To be champion._

-

**Not for much longer**

**That title you boast? In time**

**It’ll be mine. Watch.**

-

_Watch? I don’t intend_

_To lie down and get beaten_

_By a shrimp on stilts_

-

The crowd ooh’d. Sora gritted his teeth, letting the jab at his height be lost in time, like tears in rain. _Wait. That’s plagiarism._ He composed the next haiku to be as classy of a rebuttal as he could manage. If nothing else, the fact that Riku was already resorting to insults said much about his stamina.

-

**I know that good things**

**Come in small packages, so**

**Why are you so tall?**

-

_Well, if nothing else,_

_I don’t have a small package ;)_

_Genetics blessed me._

-

Sora dared to steal a glance at the judges’ panel, where all three of those damn graduate students were giggling like schoolgirls. _Doesn’t that fall under ‘not safe for work!?’ ARE EMOJIS EVEN ALLOWED?!_ If that’s how this game was gonna be played, Sora would play it. Gladly.

-

**But did genetics**

**Give you the energy to**

**Outlast me, Riku?**

-

_I have stamina_

_More than you, and that’s a fact._

_Experience, too_

-

**Were it not for the**

**Laws of this land, I would have**

**Slaughtered you, butthead**

-

_I’m not a butthead_

_Although I wouldn’t mind yours_

_On mine, so to speak_

-

There was no way to stop Sora’s mind’s eye from conjuring up that _exact_ image, tactile sensations and all. He felt his entire face go red as that bastard cracked a smirk with that sexy mouth of his. _Wait, what?_

“Alright, we’re speeding up the clock! Keep it up, boys!” Kairi said, obviously far more amused by this than he was.

-

**Anyway, the kids**

**That we’re raising money for**

**This Christmas season**

-

_Excuse me, Sora_

_Don’t change the subject on me_

_It’s about your butt_

-

**We’re not here to flirt**

**I WILL out-haiku you, but**

**Your lips distract me**

-

_My lips distract you?_

_You say we’re not here to flirt._

_Yours distract me, too. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

-

 _Emojigate continues._ Sora bit his lip in concentration, eliciting a hiss from the other side of the table. Quite frankly, he didn’t _want_ to look up from the screen, because he figured there was a good chance that whatever expression Riku was wearing would make him lose his focus.

“Speeding up the clock!”

He couldn’t squander his chances of getting that gift card. _Finals. Coffee. Yes. Remember what’s important. Push him over the edge and the money is yours._ Maybe Sora could push Riku over the edge again later, in one of their apartments, with some nice music and – no, no, no!! He couldn’t lose like this, he _wouldn’t._

-

**I know you’re slipping**

**Hey, audience? He hisses**

**When I bite my lip**

-

_That’s below the belt_

_Though I realize maybe you_

_Wanted to go there_

-

**The suffix: noted**

**I’m laughing, because in truth**

**Present tense, baby**

-

_Sora, don’t make me_

_Lose my composure on stage_

_I won’t cross the line_

-

He had him on the ropes now. Sora had the overwhelming desire to crack his knuckles seductively (if it was possible to crack knuckles seductively, he figured Riku would be into it). Instead he leaned his head back, flashing a bit of neck that probably looked like prime real estate to Riku’s mouth. _Almost there; all that’s left is the home stretch. Going in for the kill._

-

**How ‘bout a deal**

**Forfeit. I’ll go out with you**

**If I’m the winner**

-

_That’s a hard bargain_

_You forfeit. I’ll take you out_

_If I’M the winner_

-

**You hot idiot**

**The same result either way**

**Why should I give up?**

-

_We seem to be at_

_An impasse, one forged from wills_

_Stronger than our fears_

-

**I respect you, dude**

**But you put far too much faith**

**In your strength of will**

-

And with that, Sora enacted the plan he had set up about five minutes ago. What Riku didn’t put together in his dehydration was 1) the table was covered by a curtain, obscuring the space below the table from the audience, 2) Sora had slowly been slouching further and further in his seat, and 3) he’d kicked off one of his shoes. Riku might not be willing to cross the line, but Sora absolutely was.

As Sora’s foot made contact with Riku’s thigh, he could see the other man snap. Riku’s eyes opened wide, and as he kept glancing between his lap, his hands, and Sora’s waggling eyebrows, the buzzer went off.

_I did it. Victory is mine! COFFEE IS MINE!!_

“Wow, thank god it’s over!” Kairi said to the audience after the applause died down. She pretended to wipe sweat from her brow, never one to end the act early. “I was wondering how much farther that was gonna go. Well, give a big round of applause to our new champion, Sora!”

Sora made to stand up, but physics decided to fuck him over and he fell backwards in his chair instead. “Ow…”

“You kind of deserved that,” Riku said, before getting out of his own seat and reaching out a hand. “Here, I’ll help you up.”

Sora accepted the help, noting with no small amount of satisfaction and confusion that their hands fit very well together. “Well, a promise is a promise. What are you doing tonight?”

“W-w…you were serious?” Riku asked, like an absolute dumbass.

 _He can talk like THAT via haiku but has zero charm otherwise. Cold? Dismissive? More like a nervous wreck. Poor guy._ “Uh, yeah. Were you not serious? I’m sorry—”

“No, no, I mean yes, I’m serious. Not in a stalker-y way either, like, I know some of your friends pretty well and I dunno, I did think you were pretty cool even before today, so, um…”

Sora looked over at Kairi, who gave him a wink and a thumbs-up. “How about 9? I don’t have a car, but we can just walk somewhere if that’s alright.”

“Fine by me,” Riku said, cheeks turning a very nice shade of pink.

-

And with that, the Third Annual DISU Haiku-Off came to an end. Sora won the title, the glory, and the previous champion’s hand in boyfriendship. However, in his rush to set up their first date, he accidentally left something very important at the competition: the hundred-munny Heartbucks gift card. May it rest in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> i was born to write crack


End file.
